Shitty Christmas, Toby Keith, And Bushman

Ahhh Christmas Eve. I wish I was still a little kid and so excited about the gifts and what not. It really is sort of depressing when you reflect on it. Santa Clause is not a cruel lie to tell children, it certainly makes things exciting. I think the loss of the myth just becomes more depressing with age. I find no religious meaning in Christmas, so that whole reason is gone. All it ever was about to me was Santa Clause. So now, without children involved, Christmas lacks that something.
Oy today this redneck boy I work with went into Toby Keith defense mode when Garrett and I started in on the idiot. He was saying "He is the only musician supporting our troops. Dumb rappers only sing about the war inside. At least he is singing about a real war..." Aghh. I think that beautiful protest songs with sympathy to our troops are more supportive than that stupid idiot basically generalizing the Middle Eastern culture, poking fun at their religion, and saying "We'll put a boot in your ass, it's the American way." I may be wrong, but I don't think the majority of this country is going for that image, and I don't think it is very helpful to the cause of peace in the Middle East. I was thinking today and if I could describe our current country in three words they would be big, dumb, and slow. Big can apply in a lot of ways. For instance, big could apply to the numerous obese people in this country. So many, in fact, that the number of starving and obese people in this world are equal. Big could also mean flashy and in your face. We always have to demonstrate how we are number one. Dumb is quite obvious. Academically, we pale in comparison to other countries. High school children don't even need to study to receive their diploma, and I speak from experience. Also, our president is a moron, which is extremely frightening. Slow, well, that takes some explaining. We definitely aren't slow to jump into conflicts where we don't belong. But it is that exact lack of judgment and reflection that makes us slow. We are going backwards almost. We are not as culturally evolved as the rest of the world. In fact, do we even have a "culture"? Bahh, who knows, maybe hidden away somewhere. What happened to the time when our most bright intellectuals ran the country. When we did not have to fear the fact that our nation's fate was in the hands of a blood lusting cowboy who can't speak publicly and has a need for vengeance for his daddy. I was my hands of it. I'm moving to Amsterdam.

The Bitches

There is a huge ego that is tainting my well-being. This person must remain nameless but trust that they are a raving bitch. Oh I can only hope of the trailer park failure life for this one, but alas, I think they might make it. Ahh well. You can't always get what you want as they say. Today Garrett and I were eating in a restaurant and I realized that I hate restaurants now. It's so cheezy seeming. And you are eating in such close proximity with all these random people you don't know. You should each get your own little dining cubicle with a curtain or something. Maybe I am just neurotic. Also, I feel bad for waiters. They just have to wait on you hand and foot and it seem so demeaning. I hate it. I always feel meek around waiters because I don't want them to think I am ordering them around, even though I guess it is their job to serve me. Me thinks I think too much into things.
My grandmother also wishes to see me tomorrow, but after the fact that she has told my mother that she has fucked us up and we are fucked up children, I kind of don't want to see her....ever again. She is so passive aggressive and has always hated everything about any of her son's wives. Her Christmas card to me read "I pray (underlined pray) that you have a good Christmas" How bitchy! I don't need your prayers! I should start pretending I am into Satan now when I am around her. Yes....I will carve a pentagram into my forehead or something. Start hissing anytime she comes near, get red contacts. Good

Books, Movies, And Babies

Hmm...What have I been doing? Well yesterday I went and saw "Lemony Snickets A Series of Unfortunate Events" I really enjoyed it. I have decided I want to write a children's fantasy novel. What fun! You get to take any little thing that your imagination dreams up and place it into a magnificent story. The wierder the better I say. And I saw the teaser trailer for the new Willy Wonka and it does not look like it has been botched. It looks bloody brilliant! Although we must consider the fact that Johnny Depp and Tim Burton can do no wrong (unless of course we wish to count the awful Planet of the Apes.) But I have forgiven Burton for that after the redeeming Big Fish. I had so much fun last night though. Afterwards we got jolly with the cheebs and watched the cartoon version of "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe." It was lotto fun. But alas, today I worked. It wasn't so bad though since I worked with Johna and Carrie. Our owners have just put me in this constant paranoid state where I am worrying that they will come to the store at any time. I hate it. I mean, we take quite a few cigarette breaks and we don't clock out for them, even though I am sure we are supposed to. We also put off doing any work until closing time so the store usually looks like shit. But I am so used to just being able to fuck around with that job it pains me to see it have any sort of restrictions. I swear I will never be able to assimilate to a normal work environment since I am so used to working with all of friends, goofing off, smoking herb on the job, and never having any supervision. Ahh well, the times they are a changing. Pretty soon people I know will be having babies and such. Fear not though, I will never have a baby hanging from my breast, not that most would fear the prospect of me having a child. It's just that I'm not fit for motherhood. I think it's my lack of patience really. I can't imagine the frustration of having to repeat things over and over again and never getting through to the little shit. Don't get me wrong, I love other people's children. It's just being around one 24-7 would drive me mad. It's constant "Don't do that" "Wash your hands" Ugh I shudder at the thought of it. I am an adult and I should be talking about adult things and doing the creative things I want, not practically reliving my childhood and turning into the people I have always strove to be different from, my parents. Maybe there is no other way to raise children and it is just a vicious cycle. Well that cycle stops here, at least as far as I'm concerned. Ok..well I'm sleepy and my thoughts have really been jumping to random shit so I shall end this rant.

Wigfield

Ohhh How I fucking hate Subway. Let me rephrase that, I hate everybody who comes into Subway. They are all jack asses who think that if we have ran out of something that it was a well thought out plan we have contrived simply to piss them off. RAHHH. And I have never seen so many ladies with beards in my life, it's quite bizarre. I dont understand why people feel the need to treat fast food employees so terribly. Any who, I just bought this awesome book by Amy Sedaris, Paul Dinello and Steven Colbert called Wigfield and I am so excited to read it. I love those mofos. Their humor is so unique and witty. Not to mention Steven Colbert gives me a total boner. Im so glad that humor with depth still exists. I hate all this schlock like fucking Dodge ball or any of the other crap like it that is so vapid and just doesn't make me laugh. Humor that is so topical just doesn't do it for me. Haha..how funny a guy got hit in the nuts with a ball. BLAH. I also bought the new Mos Def C.D. It is really quite good, I recommend giving it a listen. Even if you don't typically like rap (maybe because Little John, Nelly, Chingy, and Big Pun have ruined it's credibility) it is really interesting and DIFFERENT, yes different. No tracks produced by the King of Crunk, Praise whatever. Oh and I have maintained my vegetarianism for a whole day! It's a start at least. I feel like something is changing in me and it is a wonderful thing. I don't know how to pinpoint it but I feel much more whole than I usually do and I love it.

Turkish Golds and Vegetarianism

2004-12-16
I know most people probably aren't interested in my life, but I want to be a writer God Damnit so I need a space where I can vent and explore my ideas and where perhaps somebody will take a gander and become intrigued right? Anyway, my life has been ultra shitty this year and I am trying to make a new start for myself a tad before the New Year so as not to be cliche. What are these new changes you may wonder. Well, for one I am going to become a strict vegetarian. I usually buckle under the presence of my favorite meaty dishes, but after a disturbing and informative visit to the PETA website, I am now thoroughly disgusted with myself and the whole meat industry enough to give it up cold tofurkey! Yuck Yuck Yuck. I suggest to those of you who have considered vegetarianism, but like me, find it hard to give up the crack like meat, to visit the PETA website. One picture of a brutally slaughtered cow will send you on the straight and narrow path to peaceful dining. Plus I have been finding it motivational enough to glance at the beautiful cows frolicking in the field, playing with eachother as I drive down these Virginia roads. I can no longer be part of this murderous machine. Although there are many people who lack faith in my willpower (cough, Hannah) I now will use your lack of belief to push me further:) I also plan on getting in shape somehow, someway. But, alas, I cannot give up cigarettes anytime soon. They give me too much Turkish Golden pleasure. Well enough about my life changes, I am rambling too much.