Spring Break, Daily Show, Musicology

Ooo i haven't wrote a blog in a spell, ain't it? Well I was on Spring Break, and I just couldn't seem to find the time between laying on the soft sandy beaches surrounded by a bevy of hunky Europeans and drinking and dancing with my ladies in the swankiest bars in Spain. PSYCH!! Most people, actually all, who read this know that isn't true, so the all caps psych was completely unnecessary. But anyway... the most fun thing I did was stay at the freakin' Inn at Afton with Hanny and Johna for uno night where we got sloppy wasted off of Lime Twisted Gin and Sprite..which by the way is a deadly concoction being that it tastes like pure Sprite. This unfortunately resulted in this poon puking her guts out in the hotel and on the side of I64 the next day..how cute!
Well it is obviously not discernible by you but there was a long pause between that paragraph and this one because I was watching The Daily Show. I have such a lady boner for John Stewart and Stephen Colbert I can't hide it with my textbook anymore! They need interns for the show I have discovered, or frequently look into rather, obsessively if you wish. Why do acrimonious fellas always make me melt like an arctic penguin in the San Diego Zoo? BOLLIX!!! Anyway, if I were ever the lucky bitch who got to intern on this show, I would use my every moment to seduce these two so i could be the cheese between the grilled Stephen Colbert and John Stewart. Enough of these girlish fantasies about men who could be my father.
I'm going to write about rap music and how terribly far it is from being art...YEYYYY!!! Sure I have fun with it, dance around to it drunkenly, laugh at the silly lyrics...but it shouldn't even be defined as music. There used to be something to it..it was new..the sound of the "streets" if you will..the words of the downtrodden souls of the ghetto..it simply had some sort of artistic merit. But NOW...well here are sample lyrics of the new ying yang twins song "Wait til' you see my dick, Wait til' you see my dick bitch, Wait til' you see my dick..I'm gonna beat that pussy up. Like Bia bia bia bia bia bia bia bia Beat the Pussy up Beat the Pussy up." What is that? I always say good lyrics would be the same without the "bangin Beat" so if we envision this bullshit as purely poetry..well...it simply wouldn't be considered poetry. It's just nasty jibberish! Don't get me wrong, this song makes me crack up...but I'm definitely not moved by it. That is what music is supposed to do, emotionally move you..not physically because I know we could argue that the infectious beats in rap cause your ass to spontaneously bounce, but rather shakes you to the core and makes you sad or angry or relieved. And prove me wrong if you will, but I'm sure that nobody on the planet would be moved by those porn ass lyrics! I guess maybe if a couple came together by the fella whispering these words in the lady's ear...? Eh..just trying to look at it from other perspectives. Anyway..there are things that are universally aesthetic.. and this crappy rap music and airhead pop music do not come close to even grazing that universal beauty. It couldn't even wipe the true beauty's ass!!! AND THE KICKER IS....the truely sublime are ignored by the masses! Nobody buys Elvis Costello or Rufus Wainwright or Elliott Smith Cd's.....and forget classical music. Elvis Costello actually lost money on his latest cd..how fucked up is that? And yet people are acting all crazy to get that new bootleg 50 cd cuz he has anything constructive to say. Word on the street is 50 starts beef with more fellow rappers then EVER! See these stupid shits actually need gimmikcs to sell cd's. And Britney..oh dear Britney with your new Moniker "Mona Lisa" (because nobody can figure out why you are so slightly smiling?? Sorry I don't get it!) you my dear have sunk to the lowest pits of pop music Hell. "Why Dontcha Do SUh EN?" Oh this song....this song is so terrible and laughable. And what's worse is when any lucky artist who is really good breaks out..pop culture sucks their one "doable" single dry and spits them out. Let's take Modest Mouse, for instance. They were great before they came under the glare of the masses...probably a lil better. Then some fat bigwig at MTv said "oo Float On..indie..yes indie the kids are craving a little indie..isn't indie the style? Let's do that..let's release this one single to be hip and indie." But now they aren't the "hotness" any more to these fucking mindless drones. And I like it better that way honestly..because once an artist becomes famous..they become tainted. It's fucking poisonous...they have all of this pressure to put out a great follow up album and it oft times proves to be too much pressure. Oh and if an artist who has had reasonable commercial success..oh let's say specifically Fiona Apple..tries to put out something progressive and new..their shitty record company..Let's say SONY..won't release the album because there isn't a "clear single." Did we tell Pollock that his shitty paint splatters didn't have a "clear appeal." I think not!! Since when did music become so contrived..there is no formula you BASTARDS..stop creating one! Fuck Every asshole in the business aspect of the Music ...fuck them right in the ass with stick with nails in it!